JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
