thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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