I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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