Umm I'm too high to move.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize