i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have fence marks all over my body
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
