Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i was born a porn star she said
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
