i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
