i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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