Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
