Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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