you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
