I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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