Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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