I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
