Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
