My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
