My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
