I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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