He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
