Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
