What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
