Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
