Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
