we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
