i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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