saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
