look no pants
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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