youre lurking in front of me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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