if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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