one two three fourrrrnication!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize