Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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