This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
