Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
