I think I died a long time ago.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhhâ€
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