I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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