Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
