and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
