Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
