Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
