I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
MIDGETS
????
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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