Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
