So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
