FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
