My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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