In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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