did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
