if i can run in heels then i can drive
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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