you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
