every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize