Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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