your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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