Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she smelled like a LAN party
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
