I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize