If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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