my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
