Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
