Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
