Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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