That's when you crack a 10am beer
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
