Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
