apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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