If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
