i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
