Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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