Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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