Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize