I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
