I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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