it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
