Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
