Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
