Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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