so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
